For Shayna and Logan's class today, our pre-work involved having others take the MBTI in our place. We were instructed to choose someone close to us and someone more distant. I chose my mom and dad because my mom and I chat everyday, we are very similar to each other (almost too similar) while my dad and I chat, but not as often and not as deeply.
Just as I expected, my mom guessed my letter combination almost exactly. I test myself as an ESFJ-A and my mom got ESTJ-A. Even though there was a variation between F and T, my test said I was 56% an F, so basically I am on the line between F and T. Way to go, Mom!
As for my dad, he got ISTP-T when he answered for me. At first I was not surprised. My personality's nuances may be lost on him due to lack of stimulating discussion. However, the more I considered it, I find myself similar to him. I would describe him as an extrovert and a judger. So why did he answer so differently for me? Does he not see our similartities? He called me after taking the assessment to discuss his answers. I immediately told him he only got one letter the same as and grilled him on thinking I am introverted. He said something surprising to me- things I didn't consider part of my personality- but maybe should. He said "You are extroverted with me, but otherwise you are shy. This is the girl that doesn't want to visit a bank teller or ask for honey mustard at a restaurant." He added, "There was a question asking if you're organized, I thought about that pile of clothes between your bed and the wall and I had a good laugh. It asked if you care about other people's feelings and I remembered how last week you ripped apart that guy at computer services when he was dishonest about your laptop. By the time I finished the assessment I was howling"
I can't lie, he's not wrong. But do those incidents really define my personality traits? Maybe my mom knows the traits that I think I have, because that it how I present myself. My dad, who doesn't receive the same amount of communication, sees me in situations more than in direct communication. This makes me think about Hersey and Blanchard's theory of situational leadership. We act according to the emotional intelligence and maturity of those around or under us. My dad is not someone I go to with problems because he doesn't have the same experiences and often doesn't know how to respond. I act differently with him because of this. I am not frustrated with his vastly different assessment of my personality. This was a great opportunity for me to understand my relationship with him and my personality traits that I never consider as part of who I am.
I think its important to understand that certain factors can bring abnormal responses from us. For instance the guy at computer services being dishonest with you. It may not be that you do not care about others feelings, but because he made the choice to be dishonest with you, you reacted in a way that may deviate from your normal behavioral patterns. I think that there are also some exceptions to traits. As a hard core extrovert, I have an extreme distaste towards talking over the phone. My mom still schedules my haircuts....but I don't think this has to do with introvert extrovert as much as a generational preference to text messaging. You talk about your pile of clothes. You may have a messy room but have a completely planned out schedule and organized personal or academic life. The point of us asking parents to do it was actually because I thought your situation would be more common among the class. I think that parents have such a unique view of us and a lot of times don't really know the behind the scenes of our personal life. Perception really is a tricky thing.
ReplyDeleteHi Shayna- thanks for your response. I totally agree about situational character traits. Of course, my schedule and to-do lists are very organized, my bedroom- not so much. We all prioritize things that matter and to give important things my 100% attention, other matters lack focus. I can sleep in a messy bedroom, I cannot wake up unaware of what my day will look like. I wish I had spoken to my dad about his results beforehand so I could have shared this experience during class time!
DeleteThanks for sharing, Erin. It is interesting how differently people can perceive us from how we perceive ourselves - even people who care about us. Given that your father has good will toward you, it might be worth contemplating his observations. You and your mother may share a common perspective, and your father's perspective may be different and may add to the completeness of your profile.
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